Here’s an unfortunate reality few people are willing to admit to. As you get older, watching sports can become somewhat of a burden. During the NFL season, I spend every weekend cursing the lack of time I have because my entire Sunday gets eaten up watching football and for the most part, being as lazy as humanly possible. Sure, I still do it. But it comes with a bit of a guilty conscience. But then the off-season comes. And I literally have no idea what to do with myself. Should I do stuff? Fix something? Be responsible? I feel so empty inside. I just sit there waiting for tumbleweed to roll through my living room. Fortunately, not all is lost since we’re now on the cusp of one of the more exciting parts of the NFL year: Free agency.
So now as an ongoing series during the offseason, I’ll be previewing free agents and their prospective new teams. Up first — Greg Jennings.
If his batshit crazy Sister wasn’t enough, then Jennings’ comments and demeanor over the last few months are pretty good indicators he’s on his way out. At this point, Jennings’ passive aggressiveness has become the sports equivalent of the guy too afraid to break up with his girlfriend so he starts acting like a jerk and comes home at 2:00 in the morning smelling like booze and strippers. So where will Jennings end up? Here are five possible destinations:
New York Jets
The Jets actually had a pretty solid defense last year. Problem was, Mark Sanchez was stuck throwing to a group who collectively, were the Mark Sanchez of Wide Receivers. That and they inexplicably hired the same guy who masterminded the Dolphins into being a 12-point per game juggernaut the year before to be their offensive coordinator. If they can fix a few things, Jennings could be a good fit here.
Ever since Anquan Boldin won a Super Bowl, has anyone checked to see if Larry Fitzgerald is okay? Like, shouldn’t he be under 24-hour surveillance? I feel like Fitz definitely has drawer in his house with a large bottle of vodka in it. Anyway, Fitz and Jennings are boys and aside from having a carousel of Arena League-quality Quarterbacks last season, the Cardinals were pretty competitive in most their games. Adding Jennings could result in like, 6 wins next year.
San Francisco 49’ers
I’d bet money Jim Harbaugh is still walking around his house doing an exaggerated WWE-style ‘holding’ call from the end of the Super Bowl. And while Colin Kaepernick seems to be brimming with potential, the Ravens exposed the 49’ers pass offense by taking Vernon Davis out of the game and making Michael Crabtree beat them. If the 9’ers added one more receiver for Kaepernick to throw to, they could be a god damn juggernaut. Which is why I’m praying it doesn’t happen. Speaking of which…
While Jennings’ affiliation with Old Spice deodorant certainly clashes with the Seattle lifestyle, the fact that John Schneider (former Packers personnel guy) is the GM makes the Seahawks a logical destination. Like the 9’ers, the Seahawks have a talented young QB and a physical defense. All they need now is one more wide receiver to open their offense just in case Marshawn Lynch gets in a car and forgets that pedestrians aren’t middle linebackers again.
Some teams build through the draft. Some build through free agency. And then there are the Minnesota Vikings. Basically, the Packers have become the anti-farm system for the Vikings. Instead of promising young prospects, the Vikings usually latch onto former Packers a year or two past their prime, get one decent year out of them, and are then left wondering why they spent the 12th pick in the draft on a quarterback who’s best talent is handing the ball off. AWWWHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Honorable mention: The Washington Redskins. Because it’s free agency and they’re the