30 slogans for NBA teams

The sad reality for NBA teams is that on a year-to-year basis, nothing really changes that much. Yeah you print new programs to hand out. Promote bobblehead night. Maybe even change uniforms to create the illusion that the roster of players who couldn’t make it in the And-1 league will somehow become well-rounded and better because of it. But really, all of these are just shiny objects to distract you from the more fundamental problem facing your teams. So last week, I started a Public Service campaign to try and help NBA owners draw more fans to the arena. And while gimmicks like an all fried food menu at Grizzlies games are great ways to get fans excited, nothing gets them fired up and instills a change in mindset quite like a new slogan. And remember owners, these slogans ARE for sale for the paltry price of just $75,000 each (or best offer). Onto the Western Conference:

L.A. Lakers: Rich Kids Always Get What They Want

Phoenix Suns: At Least The Gorilla’s Still Here

L.A. Clippers: More Dunk Contest Trophies Than The Lakers

New Orleans Hornets: Raising Eyebrow(s)

Memphis Grizzlies: Free Triple Bypass For Scores Over 100

Utah Jazz: Everyone’s Welcome Except Malone

Oklahoma City Thunder: Still Pouring Out Liquor For Harden

Minnesota Timberwolves: Even Whiter Than The Pacers

Portland Trail Blazers: So Intense, You Won’t Want To Shower For Another Week

Dallas Mavericks: Tune Into Shark Tank, Fridays On ABC!

Golden State Warriors: All-Stars From 2006 Are Still All-Stars

Houston Rockets: Thanks For The 1 Billion In Lin Jersey Sales

San Antonio Spurs: Weekend At Duncan’s

Denver Nuggets: Best Collection Of Sixth Men In The League

Sacramento Kings: N/A (Could’t Afford A Slogan)

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One comment

  1. […] takes the same approach — kissing minority babies, smiling for the cameras, coming up with useless slogans and lying talking about the same issues like health care, taxes, education and jobs. But what about […]

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